Find Your Sexy – Live Your Sexy – Love Your Sexy…PART TWO

As promised, today I am finishing up the blog entry I started Thursday. This is PART TWO of “Find Your Sexy, Live Your Sexy, Love Your Sexy!” If you didn’t read PART ONE of this blog, you probably should check it out first by going to

If you try any of these things, please comment and let me know how they worked for you!



Keeping your body well groomed is as important to your sexy as a strapless bra. Now what that means is up to you. It could mean shaving. It could mean waxing. It could mean threading eyebrows, dying hair, getting hands and feet done. It could mean exercising. But whatever it is, keep it up, no matter how you feel, what kind of demands are on your time, or anything. If you’re on a budget, there are usually DIY versions of pretty much everything a woman wants to do to maintain her sexy, and if you need to become proficient at these things to save money, do it. The point is that you should never say that its not important to do your maintenance.

Your maintenance should always include moisturizing your skin. Smooth soft skin is extremely sexy. If you do nothing else, get hold of some Shea tree butter or aloe or whatever you choose and rub it on your skin, especially your knees, arms, elbows and lips. Soft lips are very sexy. And don’t skip your breasts and ass, because they should be soft too.  Even toned skin is also important, so take the time to use cocoa butter to make your skin look its best. 2% milk and honey in a hot bath are great too. Moisturizing should also include your face. Keep the skin on it looking as good as you possibly can too. Touching any part of you should be a soft, silky experience.

Now before you tell me that you already have a man so you don’t need to do all this, my question to you is this…why wouldn’t you want to? If he is so wonderful, doesn’t he deserve you at your soft and supple best? Too busy you say? Think about all the things you want your man to do and how angry you get when he tells you he’s “too busy” to take care of them. Do you want to make him feel the same way? Trust me, its not worth it. And most importantly, you’re not doing this for him actually. You’re doing it for YOU!


Another personal suggestion of mine is to occasionally forego pantyhose in favor of stockings or thigh highs. I would tend to recommend stockings, because I have never seen a pair of thigh highs actually stay in place worth a damn. I would tend to recommend this more for a date situation than just general going out, but that’s your call. But the flash of a stocking top with the garter fastened to it is a mysterious, unexpected kind of sexy. Its something most women don’t do anymore. It suggests a hint of exoticness, and you only need to flash it a little bit to drive most men insane, especially if you have nice legs. So, just for fun, get a pair of stockings and a garter belt, and wear it under your dress on a date. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.  And a small addition to this…


Pretty much any woman, in any size of body or budget can find a flattering dress. Whether you do short, long, loose and flowing, tight and fitted, or whatever, to me a dress says sexy., and it is easier to find a good looking dress than good looking pants. Plus, a dress always suggests to a man that maybe, JUST MAYBE, you’ll get a little freaky in the parking garage on the way to the car, or in the car on the way home or in the hallway of the apartment building, or all three! Not saying you have to do any of this, but the possibility of it is something else that is sexy


It takes a certain level of confidence for most women to go out alone. Women often have (legitimate) concerns for their safety. Sometimes it makes them feel lonely, uncomfortable, or that they are these pathetic creatures that no one likes enough to spend time with. But going out alone is sexy for this very reason. Because it isn’t something you see women doing often. It is unexpected. It shows a sense of security within oneself; it shows a willingness to expose yourself to the public because you don’t have your friends or a companion as a buffer. And most men are extremely reluctant to approach women if they are part of a group. So if you’re looking to actually find decent conversation with men, I recommend putting on a little of your sexy and heading out to the bar of your city’s most popular high end steak and seafood restaurant. Make sure you find the places known for great steaks, because where there are great steaks, there are men!


This is for the more modest girl who doesn’t want to display her sexy by displaying her body. To these women – I know a lot of times you feel outmanned and outgunned when you go out because everywhere you go you see skin and you don’t feel you can compete and still be true to yourself. But if you are going to take a more suggestive, less obvious approach with your sexy, you need to first firmly get the idea in your head that your sexy is personal, it is an expression of who you are, it exists for your pleasure first and foremost, and for the pleasure of your partner secondarily. It is not just about a competition with the next chick to see who can be more naked. You should not feel uncomfortable when you’re around a bunch of scantily clad women, and you should not feel pressured to be scantily clad if its not your thing. Because again, sexy ultimately is about confidence. With confidence, your head held high and a smile in place, you can rock a flowered housedress (like grandma used to wear back in the day?) with style and attitude, and you will not go unnoticed. The fact that you aren’t scantily clad is intriguing for many different types of men, and even with more modest dress you can still be sexy.

The key is the silhouette. The silhouette means wearing clothing that softly outlines you without defining you a lot. This is one of the best things about sundresses and other similarly shaped dresses  they are often billowy and gauzy and their flowing quality can skim the body, gently nestle against it without making you feel like you’re trapped inside a sausage casing. I know for myself I love the way sundresses make me feel when the fabric moves around me, the way the hem skims my knees or toes (depending on the length). And if you have a good relationship with what you are wearing and it makes you feel good, it will automatically be sexy. There are others ways to do the silhouette; You can also do a straight dress, like a sweater dress, a kimono or a slim pencil skirt; these things just skim over your body and over your curves gently without revealing much skin. The outline of you is present, but the details within the outline aren’t provided. This can be very sexy if done right, so try it!


Ultimately, sexy is a balancing act. And if you are out and about with your sexy with the intention of attracting men and perhaps engaging them in conversation, you have to learn to find the place between your presentation and a man’s imagination, and exist in that place.

This is why I recommend the “show a little, withhold a little” style of dress. The idea is that you want a man to use his brain to admire what he sees, and to plug his imagination into the equation and think about what he doesn’t see. If your intention is to get a man interested in you, you have to plug into him on both levels. If you have most of your body exposed, he doesn’t have much to imagine in relation to that, and now he has less to do. And you always want to give a man’s imagination something to do where you are concerned.

The minute a man thinks there is nothing more to you…nothing more to see, or say, or find out, or chase, or enjoy, their interest in you wanes. Men can go a long time on the possibility of things when it comes to a woman, and it is important that the possibility of something else, something more, something he hasn’t seen, exist. Now this doesn’t have to be anything big. It could be a small thing. But the possibility of discovery is sexy, and sexy is…well, sexy!

While I’m sure there is lots more I could say, I am going to stop here. I am sure with the information I have provided for you, you are well on your way to being a sexy beast in the best sense of the phrase!

Got things you want to add or say about your sexy, or sexy in general? Looking forward to your comments!


PS: And I did not forget ladies…HOW TO MEASURE FOR A PROPER FITTING BRA!


On missing romance, and being soft…

I have been “officially” single for a bit over seven years now. (Please make note of the use of the word “officially” in quotes.) And truth me told, it wouldn’t be honest to say I’ve hated it. In so many respects it has been good for me. Creatively it has been great for me. Most of the men I dated weren’t particularly supportive of my artistic endeavors. Some had their own creative dreams and ambitions and wanted me to throw all of my energies into helping them make their dreams come true and not spend time on my own thing. Others were just not into the whole “artsy” thing, and wanted me to spend my time on more practical pursuits. Most of them began displaying their insecurities the minute I achieved even the tiniest bit of success or recognition for anything. Whenever I have been the most successful in my writing has always been when I’ve been the most alone. Time and time again, I have chosen myself and my writing over any relationship with any man. I always felt that if he truly loved me, he would accept how important this writing thing is to me, how much a part of me this is, that he wouldn’t want me to let it go. I always hoped they would choose all of me, not the me he wanted me to be. These men didn’t choose me when it came down to it.  Now 7+ years have passed since I openly and totally gave myself, heart and body and soul and spirit to a man, and accepted his in return, and sometimes I miss romance.

Now I appreciate any gesture that a man might choose to make to let me know he is interested in me, loves me, is thinking about me, etc. I love big lavish carefully orchestrated drama in my honor, with big lavish gifts to match, and I’ve experienced that in my past. But for some reason, it has always been the small gestures that have always touched me the most. I love the little things. Rubbing my feet after a hard day of work onstage in 5 inch heels reciting dirty poems to music. Taking me out to lunch or dinner or a movie just because, or cooking my favorite meal for me. Helping me dress — some of my stage outfits are hella hard to get into, and I need every extra pair of hands I can get when I am backstage dressing. And of course I reward him by letting him help me get out of my outfits at the end of the night. Having the tequila I love around his home so its always there for me when I come over is romance to me. Getting something for me that he heard me mention in passing that I wanted, and giving it to me for no particular reason is extremely romantic – and it doesn’t have to be something expensive. Calling me just to say hello, that he were thinking of me, or just because he wanted to hear my voice is romance. Secretly touching me in public, rubbing my leg under a table in a restaurant (I’m not a huge fan of excessive public displays of affection), or placing a hand on my ass when no one is paying attention if we’re in a crowd. These things are the height of romance to me. I’d much rather have these small gestures on a consistent and regular basis than have the huge display occasionally. If he is going to do some really over the top, one-time-only kind of thing, I’d suggest a luxurious, decadent vacation getaway to someplace far away, beautiful and hot – in every sense of the word. Bali would be perfect. Other than that, just get me some good sushi now and then and kiss my shoulder blades and I’m in heaven.

I also miss romance because without it, a woman becomes hard. It’s just a fact. Without those little gestures from some man (even if he’s not your man), women become these bitter creatures. They may not become total a**holes, but they are just a bit more difficult to love than a woman who has had the benefit of having some man make at least small sacrifices at her altar. A hint of hardness always becomes a part of a woman who isn’t worshipped at least a little by someone capable of woman-praise. Not all men are capable of this you see, or they can only worship a woman after she has conformed to his definitions. A man who can worship a woman in her most natural, true state is one to be treasured. Sometimes I don’t think men get that they need to worship their women sometimes, but they do. It will make your life so much easier. Now I said sometimes, because you can’t do it all day every day. If she wants you to worship her all the time you and she need to talk. But women are meant to be worshipped because they are goddesses, and when they aren’t being worshipped they are naturally not happy about that. Then the hardness comes, and when it does its damn near impossible to get rid of.

I have been fortunate in that, even in the absence of serious relationships I have usually had men around who thought very highly of me, and didn’t mind letting me know occasionally. Even my platonic male friends will drop a small sacrifice at my altar from time to time. I accept their celebration of me; it helps me keep my goddess-flow intact when I’m up against a cold, cruel world that doesn’t give a damn about me.

And it’s allowed me to write this piece. Hope you enjoy it!

TOMORROW’S BLOG – Find your sexy, love your sexy, live your sexy! How to dress to bring out that sexy classy woman in you!



And here I am…soft.

I have my soft back like I used to be.

I have my soft.

Thought my softness died in me.

But look at me now.

I am sweet smiling joy, and so soft.

All over, inside and out, gentle and tender.

Like water rushing over a hard stone

for a thousand years to finally make it smooth

Him finding me took a thousand tears

but when he did he finally proved

that the soft part of me was still alive.

Just dehydrated.

Thirsting for proper care.

Didn’t know how much I’d missed my softness

until he rediscovered and kissed my softness

and made the waters return,

bringing life back

to the most womanly part of my essence.

The part that is soft,

especially in his presence.

And here I am…soft.

Poured him onto my skin

and it made me soft.

Let him just soak right in.

And now I feel so supple and moisturized.

So silky and revitalized.

He is a spa treatment for my wounded self

and my tired spirit.

Now I bathe in the reflection of the beauty

he reminded me that I possessed.

Now I am soft

from the curve of my breast

to the smoothness of my back

to the fullness of my thighs.

My lips and my eyes.

All soft.

Still soft, to my joy and amazement.

Because I wasn’t sure my soft would survive

this life of hardness.

When I threw that shell over it

for its own protection

I worried that my soft might suffocate.

And I had to leave it covered for so long

I thought it might be too late.

That no one would be able to resuscitate

the soft in me.

But he knew what was living

beneath the surface.

Strangling and gasping for air,

but still managing to stay alive.

So he took a deep breath, held it,

dove deep, long and probing,

and recovered my treasure.

Rejuvenated my pleasure.

And when he came up for air

he had in his possession my soft.

And he still does ‘til this day.

Because with him is the safest place

for the softness in me to be.

He cares for all of it

like he cares for all of me.

Me who is again finally…